WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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