don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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