i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is the high leading the old right now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
