That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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