There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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