Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
