I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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