I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
