I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
