just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There are leaves in my underwear?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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