Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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