dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.