It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything