You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY