Who did Billy Mays play for?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
