Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
