i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
