so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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