i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
