my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
