he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
