so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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