Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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