I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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