i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
