There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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