FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
