this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
