My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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