My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize