; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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