9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
