I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site