im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
smell my finger.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.