omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.