Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration