Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you