It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.