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I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
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