I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need to sanitize my soul.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic