My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i love accidental penises.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.