I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize