I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
