I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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