someone owes me an orgasm
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
