are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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