i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
