You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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