I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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