my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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