I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
