Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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