Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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