The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
