i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
