so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS