Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.