how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover