where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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