i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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