when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
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There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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